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Do you like to dance?"She still wasn't smiling. "I don't know how to dance, and I have no clothes for dancing."Isidora was now wearing the same plain skirt, and blouse she had worn when she stepped of the bus in Vladikavkaz almost a week ago."No problem. Remember, I'm a rich American millionaire. We can go shopping this afternoon. As far as dancing goes, I don't know how to dance either. We'll learn together."Now Isidora did smile.Tbilisi isn't much of a fashion center, but after an inquiry with the hotel concierge we were able to identify a few shops that would suit our purposes. I'm not much at shopping for ladies' clothing, and Isidora was hesitant about just what she'd need, so I took an idea from a movie I'd seen. I asked the concierge if he might not be able to arrange for someone to act as Isidora's personal shopping advisor. A few bills changed hands, and within minutes a nice young lady, maybe five years older than Isidora appeared. I exchanged some of my remaining rubles. I feel a deep sadness and it has fully taken hold of me today. I feel almost desperate to hear his laughter and be the one to bring him joy. I want to hear all about his day and have long conversations on subjects we have discussed a million times before. I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I.
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